Grab your confidence, get, set, go!

After my last blog post, I wrote a couple of drafts and then shoved them away for no reason at all. But here is something that I think I must write about. Something I've noticed a lot in school and college students (I can't speak for those older than them) is the lack of self confidence. I've learnt from my own experiences how important self confidence can be and would like to share my thoughts, stories and all that I've discovered along the way about having self confidence.

As they move through school, kids generally tend to compare themselves with their friends, they like to know who has the better school bag and stationery. As they grow older, they start comparing clothes, talents, achievements, trophies and so on. It is around this time that some of them start losing confidence in themselves when they notice that their friends are doing better than themselves in any particular field. At that age, it is easy to be put off by small failures. As they move to high school and college, they tend to not believe in themselves at all and think that they're not good enough to achieve certain things. I've seen quite a few people who underestimate themselves and believe that they are not as good as their peers.

Thinking that you are not good enough to achieve something means that you have given up before you even tried. Unless you believe you have it in you to achieve something, you are never really going to try hard to achieve it. When you have confidence in yourself, it shows in everything you do, the way you talk, the way you carry yourself, the way you talk to others, the way you approach problems, the way you take up challenges and what not. That confidence is what lets others know if you are capable of achieving and taking up challenges. I've always believed that, for someone to believe in you, you must first believe in yourself. So what is it that you can do to build self confidence?

You might always feel that you lack something. However, every single person is unique and your unique qualities are your biggest strengths. If each of us could look at ourselves from a different person's perspective, none of us would ever think we are not good enough. However it is not practical to have someone tell you how good you are all the time. That responsibility is solely yours. Whenever I face self confidence issues, I think of my most treasured achievements. They remind me of all that I am good at. I suggest you do the same. It also helps to remind yourself that no one can be perfect and you are amazing in your own way. Do remember that one cannot be good at everything. So, instead of trying to achieve that, why not work on your positive qualities? If you've failed many times, remember that you've learned more from each failure than you'd have learned if you'd succeeded. When things go wrong, don't give up. Look towards the future with confidence in yourself.

Having spent a large chunk of my childhood battling self-confidence issues, most of what I've written here is out of personal experience. It took me quite some years to realize that the solution to my problems lies with me. Once I realized that and worked on my self-confidence, I met a completely different version of myself. One of my friends fondly refers to it as "Zeina's metamorphosis"! The changes I witnessed in myself then onwards were incredible. I could find myself being much, much more confident of myself when I interacted with others. That made it easier for me to make many new friends and hone my talents. I then worked on all my strengths and got better at what I was already good at. I stopped worrying about all that I was not good at and focused on my talents. I continue to do that today. It is human to be put off by failures, but once you over come that disappointment, success is not very far off. If you do not realize your worth, no one will. 

Wrapping up 2013 - some thoughts, some memories

It's almost the end of the year! That means that the New Year posts on social media will start coming soon. Towards the end of every year we are used to looking back at how the year has been and it's always interesting to see how people rate their year on their Facebook posts. In a couple of days, it is all people are going to be talking about. You're going to hear about achievements, failures, parties, friends, grades, purchases, vacations and every thing that happened to people in 2013. While some will be happy about how things turned out to be, some will have reasons to complain and will look forward to a new year and new beginnings. When I'm done with the final exams of my fall semester every year, which is usually 10-15 days before the end of the year, I start thinking about how the year has been. But I believe that no matter how bad the year has been, everyone will have had something happen to them that would've made the year worth cherishing. And it would only be fair if we take a moment to thank God for all those precious little moments.

As I was thinking about how this year has been and how I hope the next year will be, I thought of writing a blog post so that everyone reading can also have a few moments of reflection. Such moments of reflection make us gain appreciation for all that we have. So why not bid goodbye to the year with happy thoughts and welcome the new year with good hopes? 2013 has been a great year for me. Nothing extra ordinary, but it is the ordinary things that make life beautiful right? Two great semesters; lots of new friends; my first job; a great summer; lots of quality time with family; finally visiting Dubai after wanting to do so for as long as I can remember; meeting a best friend after two years of being apart; a bunch of good books; starting this blog; making some progress on the path of self discovery; being touched by the kindness shown by strangers and waking up everyday healthy, at home, with family. I've every reason to celebrate the year 2013 and I'm sure you do too!

Since we're talking about all the good things that happened this year, let me share with you an incident that touched my heart and left me feeling overwhelmed. It was sometime in October, a week before a really hard midterm that I went hunting for the textbook for that class. I don't use textbooks unless exams are around the corner and it was only natural that I couldn't find it when I first looked for it. When I couldn't find it even after looking around the house thrice, I was starting to get worried. I know I'm careless with books but have never lost one. I then asked one of my friends and she agreed to lend me her book till I could find mine; but I still kept looking. After considering all possibilities, my aunt remembered returning a few library books a week before. It was a very small possibility but I might have returned my textbook with the library books. Though it seemed preposterous, she thought of giving it a try. That is how the two of us ended up going to the library that Wednesday evening, one day before my midterm. I was convinced that I'd lost my textbook and went along only because she insisted. We went in and told someone about what happened. The events that happened afterwards were nothing less than miraculous. The woman we spoke to, informed a couple of co-workers and all of them went out in different directions looking for it in possible places. I was amazed at the amount of effort they were putting in even though it was entirely my fault. When I told them it was a college textbook, they were even more determined to find it. After looking in a bunch of possible places, we could still not find it. They'd asked me to leave my phone number and other details about the book so that they could keep looking for it. I did so and left, still convinced that my book was never returned with the library books. I hadn't even reached home, when they called to let me know that they found it. We rushed back to the library and as soon as I walked in, a kind looking elderly woman came to me and told me that they had all been looking for the book since college books were expensive and they didn't want me to have to pay for it again. By then, I'd become famous in the library as "the girl who lost her textbook"! They then gave me my book and reminded me as I left, to be more careful with my books in future. I was stunned by how kind these people were to stop doing whatever they were doing to look for my book, even though it was in no way their fault. This is not easy to forget and every time I think of the year 2013, I'll remember this heart-warming incident. You'd have also had some incredible things happen to you in 2013 that are worth remembering. As you bid farewell to the year, keep those in mind and be grateful for all those blessings. Who knows how many around us have had so much to be thankful for?

The beauty of being yourself

It's been such a long time since I last blogged. I'd promised myself that I'd make sure never to take such a long break but school work always gets in the way of my promises. So anyways, I'm back to blogging! I'd watched a video a month ago. It was a short film that spoke about how Tamils living both in India and abroad do not encourage their children to speak in Tamil, as a consequence of which the language would disappear in a few years. As someone who strongly believes in maintaining one's identity and regularly speaking in one's native language, this film touched me and haunted me for days to come. Then I decided that I'd blog about it.

A few years ago, when I was in high school, I was asked to write a short essay on my thoughts on "What should one do on moving to a new country? Should they change to suit their surroundings or else strictly stick to their identity?" I didn't need time to think. I straightaway went on to write that no matter what, there is nothing that stops you from maintaining your own identity. Looking back, I realize that at that point of time, life was all black and white. Now, I can see the grey areas as well. But, that hasn't changed my opinion on the matter one bit. I still believe that no matter where you live or who you live with, you can keep your identity and always be proud of your culture and heritage. I'm not sure where or how I picked up that stand but I've had it for as long as I can remember. Though I'm Indian, I've spent most of my life in Saudi Arabia and a few years in the United States. For the last 13 years or so that I've spent outside India, every time someone asked me who I was, I would proudly say "I'm Indian, from the southern state of Tamil Nadu." I'm asked that question almost on a daily basis and my answer remains the same.

I've always taken pride in my mother tongue Tamil, in it being one of the classical Indian languages, in its centuries old heritage, in how beautiful it sounds, in coming from a country with such a rich cultural background, in our languages, our colors, our clothes, our cuisines. Having lived in three countries, each one as different from the other as possible, I only added on to myself what i liked about the people there. Those additions never took away from me what I already was. This might have been because of my confidence in who I am or else the fear of losing myself in the crowd. I strongly believe that taking pride in your culture and individuality brings you more respect in the new place than if you'd tried to blend in. Now let me add the grey to that high school essay. Blending in is necessary. But, blending in to such an extent that you might lose your identity is dangerous. I've always felt that when I look back at life, i want to be all that I was a few years ago. I don't want to lose myself anywhere along the way.

We can find something beautiful about every culture, every country. There is only the issue of identifying the beautiful things about your background and beginning to love them. On moving to any country, you can still be yourself. It is all about being yourself. You've got no one to impress and forgetting your identity is certainly not going to impress anyone. If you come to think of it, certain countries are well known for their multicultural population. What would happen if we erased those cultural differences? Would the earth be the same if we all began to look and act the same? There is nothing more beautiful than people maintaining their individual identities and still living together in harmony. The identity of our planet is in all those different cultures. Remember that. Spend some time every now and then, reminding yourself of who you are. I do that too. I tell myself that I'm an Indian Tamil Muslim and I couldn't be any prouder. 

One word for women. One voice for India.

 The Indian woman has been in the news a lot over the past 6 months or so. Unfortunately, it hasn't been for good reasons. Those news reports have only further reiterated the fact that the Indian woman will never be treated anything but inferior to men. No matter what she achieves, or what she has in her to achieve, she will never be considered equal to men. Yes this post has been triggered by the gender-based attacks against women in India and the insensitive stuff people post on social media in response to those attacks, but the thoughts I am going to put in here have originated much, much before these attacks ever came into limelight. I am just bringing together thoughts gathered since childhood.

I've never experienced any sort of discrimination at my home. I've been given all that freedom and privileges that were given to my brother. Yet, I've experienced and seen this kind of a discrimination at many a places. In our country, any wrong that happens with a woman is her fault. They say, "It happens because of the clothes she wears, the cellphone she carries, her dancing at weddings, her going out to school/work, her breathing, her existing. Women are harrassed because of their inappropriate clothing." Really? And a woman's clothing is the license for a man to do anything he wishes? "A man never goes wrong. We will blame our daughters but never our sons. We will constrict our daughters every way possible but never say no to our sons." What is even more disheartening to see is that not only men but women also have similar ideologies. They say that it is a dangerous world for women out there. Yes it is. But why is it so? Have we ever asked ourselves that question? We teach our daughters to be alert and guarded, but never teach our sons to respect women.

Most people still consider a girl child to be a burden and their son's bride as their money tree. We take pride in being a fast developing country. We take pride in our culture and how we are able to balance between our values and western influence. Yet, our newspapers are filled with these stories. I recently watched an episode of a television show that talks about social issues about a man who abandoned his wife and three daughters only because they were women and he considered them to be a burden on him. Opening the news app on my phone has become a painful thing. You never know what you might see there that might make you lose your peace of mind. You never know what city in India has now been deemed unsafe for women. I was so disturbed at these stories and annoyed at those comments that only talked about staying away from trouble that I started thinking about how to put a complete stop to all these crimes. It took a lot of thinking but I could finally see what we must do. 

Parents are capable of way more than what they realize. It is those little things that our parents teach us at young ages that stay with us and guide us lifelong. We are of course exposed to influences outside home. But at the end of the day when you come back home, it is in your parents' hands to get rid of all those unwanted influences. I have heard really young boys say that girls should stay home and play with their dolls and that is all they must do. What is it that contaminates these young minds at such a tender age? Shouldn't we set examples at home for the child to follow? If a young boy never saw his father mistreating his mother, where will he learn to do that from? If a boy never got any more love, respect, freedom or privileges than his sister did, from where will he learn that women are inferior to men? If his parents never considered his sister to be a burden on them, why would he ever think that about his daughter? I am not saying that if we implement the above, everything will be perfect. All I am saying is that doing these will take us a step closer to ensuring that our women have a better, safer life. But, these are some questions to ponder upon. It is about time that parents realize their mistake and correct themselves even if they don't want to. They wouldn't be doing it for their sons but for the entire country.

A backpack full of memories

The other day, I was cleaning up my cupboard and came across a bunch of things I'd saved up from school days. Then I was undecided about whether I want to write about my school because once I start talking about my school, I usually go on for hours. But I couldn't resist for too long. After all, I started blogging to talk about things I like to discuss and I guess this tops the list. Anyways, let me dive into the story! When I was at school, the day after the last day of exams my mom used to make me sort through school stuff and throw away all those that I wouldn't be needing anymore. I never looked forward to cleaning up but every time I did, I'd find things that would for no reason bring a smile to my face. Usually there would be records of written conversations my friends and I had during lectures. I ended up not throwing away many of those things. So, over the years I'd gathered enough things to fill up a huge backpack. Even after I left school, these things were there to calm me down every time I got too nostalgic. Of course, eleven years in the same school is bound to make you feel attached to the place.

Coming back to the present, I looked at all these things and wondered how over the years they had transformed from being day to day things to being memories. The first thing I saw was my Chemistry lab record. I still remember every single detail about our Chemistry lab. We were each given an unknown salt and were asked to identify it by doing a bunch of tests on it. After identifying the salt, we would set out to write the record. We had a whole week to complete the record. But if we finished it on the same day itself, our teacher would put a V.good next to where she had to sign. I remember how we used to race with each other to complete the record on time. And the joy each of those V.goods would give us. I'd have stayed right there at the Chemistry lab if there wasn't so much noise at home to bring me back to the present. 

Next to come to my notice was the library card from my last year at school. The library brings back so many memories! As soon as I enter the library for our 45-minute long library periods, I'd rush to the fiction shelves of the library and would go through the whole lot of books. There have been days when I'd sit on the floor infront of the cupboard and try to make a decision on what book to borrow. Another memory that is still very fresh is the first ever time my name was in the newspaper for a prize I won and someone told me about it, I'd rushed to the library to have a look at it. More memories come flooding back to me of those many, many times when my friends and I got in trouble for not staying quiet in the library. Right then something poked me and I was aroused from my day dream. Time to go back to looking at the rest of the stuff.

Each of the things I looked at, took me back to school.There were a few that I never knew I'd saved up. There was my school diary, my fee card(?!), notes that my friends and I wrote to each other while the class was going on, pretty much every piece of paper I took to and brought back from my first ever Model UN Conference, a couple of projects, and every badge I'd worn since 6th grade. Each object had a story associated with it and by the time I was done recounting each of these stories, at least an hour had passed. But after that day, what I came to realize is that things that seem ordinary and of no particular value today will have gained the status of a memory a few years later. When I saved up all those things, I did it only because I didn't have the heart to throw them out. But today, I'm glad I did. Those seemingly trivial things do not only remind me of my school days but also bring to my notice, my thought process from back then. After putting those things away, I could reflect on the changes in thinking and maturity that have come over me as I moved from school to college. Who knew memories had the power to invoke so much thought? I guess every moment, every little object in the present becomes a memory in the future. Just imagine how our lives would change if we began to live every moment and treat everything around us with that realization!

Mastering the art of coexistence

In those moments of extreme boredom when I could be doing awesome things like watching movies or picking up my favorite book to read, I instead choose to wonder about the weird ways in which the human mind and in turn our society works (don't ask me why I do that, I myself am not sure). Today being one such boring day, I went on to think about who or what set the norms for us to follow. Of course the norms of our society were not agreed upon by everyone. We 7 billion people, each with our own perspective towards life can not all possibly agree upon anything. In those cases probably the majority or the most influential were instrumental in setting up the norms. What was once decided upon by a certain group of people is what we consider to be the face of perfection today. We add on to that and impose our own ideas on others. We seem to forget that the world is all about perspectives. What you might think is great might not be that great to others.

Each of us has our own way of thinking, own ideas and our very own perspectives. For so many of us to co exist, we need to learn to find a midpoint between our views and others'. Sadly that is not the case. We are all forced to comply by the society's rules. If you think about it, that is a great way to prevent chaos. Let us all be robots, forget our personal likes and dislikes and do what others expect us to do. But isn't it important for us to take into consideration everyone's needs? I'm not going to talk about how the views of everyone living in a society should be considered. It would be extremely chaotic and impractical. Since I don't have any ideas on how to achieve that without making a mess out of social life, I'm going to keep mum about that. But as individuals, we need to realize that any interaction or relationship works mutually. It needs two people for it to work. It needs both their perspectives to be considered for it to work. And that is where most of us make a big, big mistake. We seem to forget that the other person needs to have a say. We impose our ideas upon others. We assess other people using the same scale that we use for ourselves.

Each of us is different. When you think you are being perfect, another person could find a thousand flaws in you. Keep in mind that when you point others' flaws to them and expect them to change themselves to suit your taste, they might be ready to do the same with you. It might be time and energy consuming but remember to not impose your ideas upon anyone but to take everyone's ideas into consideration. Remember that you maybe perfect in your perspective but not necessarily so in others' perspectives. Keep in mind that if each of us began to act the same, look the same and think the same, we would all lose our identities and the beauty of being human. 

Some magic, a friend and seven books

As I was scrolling through my face book news feed, I noticed a link to an article on things that happened after the Harry Potter books ended. That took me on a walk through memory lane. So many thoughts and memories came flooding back to me that I decided to dedicate a post to what is probably the greatest children's fiction series ever!

I was eleven when I was first introduced to the Harry Potter series. Eleven also happens to be the age in which you receive your invitation to attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, in the series. I'm sure many kids of my generation spent the whole of their eleventh year waiting for their letter from Hogwarts. Unfortunately no such thing happened. But, as the years passed by, I would imagine what my life would've been like if I actually went to Hogwarts. Most kids my age would have done that. I guess that is the biggest achievement of Harry Potter and J.K. Rowling. They brought magic into our lives!

It was probably the most popular and the most celebrated book series ever, popular among both kids and adults. The most special thing about the series was that it made magic seem believable. It made many, many kids like me imagine a parallel life at Hogwarts. The books were my best friends through out all the chaos that was middle school and early years of high school. I wasn't one of those kids who started reading from the first book and moved in order till the final book. I was gifted the 5th book when I was in 7th grade. Within a period of two years, I read the first six books in the most haphazard order possible. And when the 7th book came out, in the summer of my first year at high school, I made sure that I was prepared for it. I bought the book on the day it came out and finished reading it overnight. When I finished reading it though, I felt a void. Every summer, I would take out all the books and re-read them. When I moved to the US for college, I had access to loads of books through the public libraries. That is when I took a break from Harry Potter and read other books. But even today, when I don't feel so good I turn towards my Harry Potter collection for comfort. I have read many other fiction series ever since. But none stuck with me like Harry Potter did.

Along with reading the books myself, I'd encourage (more like force) the younger kids in the family to read as well. When they were too young to read the books, I'd narrate the stories to them. If you ask me, I'd tell you that you'd have an incomplete childhood if you never read Harry Potter. I'm sure I'd probably be reading the books even when I have grand kids and I'd ask them to read as well because we all need some magic in our lives.