My Indian Wedding (Part II)

The day of my wedding had been everything I dreamt of and nothing like I imagined. For the amount of time and effort and money that goes into planning and organizing a wedding, time seems to speed up on the day. I have spent the last two weeks examining every single picture taken at my wedding. I see myself smiling and laughing and in conversation and making all sorts of faces. Yet, I can't seem to associate many of these pictures to any of my memories. I can only remember the excitement and anticipation.

I vaguely remember the night before the wedding. It was close to midnight by the time my family and I returned home after a pre-wedding function. I remember not wanting to change out of my beautiful off white and pastel orange outfit or undo the elaborate bun my hair had been tied into. I remember people running up and down looking for clothes or jewelry or accessories they'd planned to wear to the wedding. I also remember seeing everyone wide awake at 1 in the morning, crossing off things on the to-do list. Somewhere deep inside my head, I also remember my mom looking for her phone. I barely slept for 4 hours. My last night's sleep as an unmarried woman was short and uneventful. I don't even remember anything from the first two hours of the morning of my wedding. I was woken up at 6 and sent to take a quick shower so that I'd be on time for the beautician who decided to show up early. There was only one thing on my mind - to shampoo my hair thrice, as per the beautician's instructions. I cheated and stopped after the second time. I enjoyed the dressing up part though, every moment of which is vivid in my memories. I had the red silk saree and jewelry of my dreams. I let the beautician get my face camera-ready and then tie my hair in a braid. I let her pin long strings of jasmine flowers onto the braid and then apply my favorite red lipstick on my lips, completing the look I had always hoped to achieve on my wedding day. Sometime before the lipstick, I remember being forced to drink a cup of warm milk and then my friend gave me a tiny Twix bar to calm down the nerves. Once the makeup and hair were in place, it was the jewelry's turn. My mom put a gorgeous choker around my neck, other pieces of jewelry followed and I watched myself being transformed into a bride. I would always try to imagine myself in bridal attire for years before my wedding, and watching that transformation happen is a truly surreal experience - one that would always be engraved in my mind. Makeup and photo sessions later, I suddenly found myself at the wedding hall, eyes following me as I walked to the stage, slightly nervous, extremely excited.

While I waited for my husband to arrive, I had ample time to catch up with friends I hadn't met in years and also to pose for a thousand pictures. I was nervous about a permanent artificial smile being plastered onto my face since I had been constantly posing for pictures. At one point the photographers told me not to look like I was being forced to smile. Hmph! Try posing for pictures for hours at a time. I enjoyed exclusive attention for about a couple of hours. As soon as word got out that the bride groom had arrived, my entire family, closest friends and cousins, the photographers who were making me hold props from the stage decor for pictures and all of my bridesmaids disappeared in a flash. I was left alone on the stage without any instructions or expert advice. What if I made a total fool of myself infront of a 1500 people? My little 9 year old cousin felt sorry for me, came up the stage and offered me some of his popcorn. Since my nervousness was beyond anything I could handle, I thought I might as well eat some popcorn. He and I patiently waited on the stage as my husband walked into the hall, followed by almost all the people at the wedding that I recognized, and surrounded by all the photographers. He was made to take one step at a time so that every step is captured in pictures and with every step, I became more of a nervous mess, unsure of how to while away time till he reaches the stage and how long I can look at him without making the gaze inappropriately long for an Indian bride, trying to decipher what color tie my husband finally decided to wear, while also keeping an eye at the guests. I don't think anyone cared about how long my gaze was, since they were all craning their heads to take a good look at the bride groom. The half minute that followed the bride groom party's arrival the stage were the longest half minute of my life. I remember looking at the wedding contract, my right hand and the pen I was holding in it shaking. I took a deep breath and signed on it. And it was done.

As my dad brought my husband forth to the place I was standing at and we were surrounded by family members taking pictures and feeding us sweets and conduct the ceremonies afterwards, I was still trying to come to terms with the fact that I was now married. I had a wide smile plastered onto my face, expressing my excitement and happiness and relief, while also masking the disbelief I was experiencing. Everything afterwards is a blur - a vibrant and happy blur, but a blur nevertheless. We were congratulated by a lot of people, most of whom we did not recognize. But, it was an absolute blessing to have had so many people turn up for us. As we moved on to lunch and posing for pictures together, reality began to hit; that the last couple of hours we spent at each other's side, without stepping away for a minute, was actually a metaphor for how marriage should be and how we should take life forward once we left that wedding hall. The relief on my husband's face mirrored mine. We were beyond relieved to have made it. Post-wedding is a whole different story. But we left that hall by each other's side, hoping for and starting on our happily ever after.

My Indian Wedding (Part I)

Getting married is a huge life change. After almost an entire month of being married, today is the first time I’ve felt even remotely like my pre-wedding self. My wedding has been life altering for me and life has altered in the most remarkable ways. But after having experienced my Indian wedding, I have come to define the word “chaos” in different ways. What happens in an Indian household getting ready for a wedding is its own kind of chaos. I was completely oblivious to this chaos until I landed in India, about 25 days before the big day. The moment I saw the house, I knew it was going to be a homecoming like no other.

I was home after 2.5 years and I was home as a bride. Apart from the bridal treatment which included a pre-breakfast of eggs and plantain, breakfast, pomegranate juice at 11 am, liberty to sleep whenever I wanted to, lunch, post lunch vegetable soup, tea, fruits and dinner; there was also a lot of shopping to look forward to. I received the most pampering for the first time since I was a baby and it was truly a vacation. That lasted for about a week. As we neared the wedding, the tension in the air was also reaching its peak. People were losing their tempers at the drop of a pin and my mom and aunt were looking for ways to make the days longer than 24 hours. I tried to retreat to a corner of the house and become invisible, but the flaring tempers spared no one. An Indian parent (or responsible adult in the family) at a child’s wedding, is usually at their multitasking best and also in the most stress they’ll ever be in. It’s fun to watch from a distance. Only from a distance. With inviting over a 1000 people, never ending shopping, dealing with caterers, decorators, arranging transportation and stay for the guests, and trying to and finally giving up on pacifying angry relatives complaining about a non-issue, you’ll get to see them deal with it all.

But my pre-wedding days were also some that I will cherish for the entirety of my life because of the time I got to spend with close family and friends. My mom and I had always wanted my wedding to be an occasion for the entire extended family to get together and spend a lot of time together; and it was exactly that! We had about 4-5 days before the wedding when the house was packed with people - laughing and eating and bonding. I met cousins that I hadn’t had the opportunity to spend time with in years! I had a huge group of girls (and my brothers) that made sure I looked good, ate well, laughed enough, kept my sanity, found some peace and quiet in the house to make phone calls to my fiancé (now husband), and walked into marriage without too much nervousness on this huge life change. I was, like every bride, extremely nervous, but at the same time, felt immensely blessed. There were too many blessings in those days to count. But there was a special blessing, an extremely special one.

My cousin Shahnaz (who can single handedly take 33% of the credit for me keeping my sanity amidst all the chaos) had come over with her little boys Yahya, 4 and five month old Dawud (also known as, my little Dodo). What her little boys did to add life and cheer and laughter into my pre wedding days, no one else could have! I was meeting little Dodo for the first time and this little boy was my companion as I shopped for my wedding. His love for bright colors and his charming smile made wedding shopping a win-win for us both. He was there through it all - shopping, pre wedding functions, wedding, post wedding, all of it! Holding him and playing with him and talking to him not only helped me disappear from the chaotic action, but also calmed me down in a way only a baby’s laughter could. While Yahya was getting everyone excited by running around and sharing his excitement at his aunt’s wedding, Dodo stayed with me and became my personal ray of sunshine! Having always been a person that loved to spend time with little children, I could not have wished for any better time to bond with my nephews. 

The other 67% of the credit for me keeping my sanity through it all, having every bit of fun and looking like the bride I’ve always wanted to look like, goes to a team of young people aged anywhere between 10-25. My maid of honor who could give Monica of F.R.I.E.N.D.S serious competition, my little sister who is also my own ray of sunshine and laughter, all my bridesmaids (including my friend of 15 years, Wardah who was with me through all of it, providing the kind of comfort and support only a close friend could) and my brothers that were put through an insane amount of work during those days.

The days preceding my wedding were their own kind of special - packed with abundant blessings! I have always believed that the best kind of blessings are the people in our lives and my pre wedding days were truly special because of the time I spent in the company of people I so loved. My family and friends not only made sure that I had the wedding of my dreams but they also made the process so memorable. They had all - parents, siblings, uncles, aunts, cousins, friends; taken off from work and school and their regular lives and took on this huge project of making sure my wedding was all that I had dreamt of. They made sure I had their company when I most wished for and needed it and that has been the truest blessing!