Four and a half years ago, before I moved to the US to start college, my dad sat me down and asked me if I really wanted to wear the hijab in America. He was concerned that wearing the hijab would make me stand out in a crowd and be an easy target for anyone harboring hatred towards Muslims. Having grown up in Saudi Arabia, I had started wearing the hijab in my pre-teens. However, I had found a strong connection with the hijab only two or three years before and my bond with the hijab was in its early stages when I was asked the question. For some reason, I was firm on my decision to wear the headscarf and told my dad not to worry and that I'd be fine. To me, more than anything else, my decision to wear the hijab was a big one and I didn't want to belittle that decision by undoing it so soon. In the years to come, I've often thought of that conversation I had with my dad and I understood the reason behind his question and his concern. I admit I had my concerns too. Upon landing in the US, I loosened my hijab before going to the immigration counter, in a moment of uncertainty when I didn't want to take off my hijab but at the same time felt highly self-conscious and to a certain extent unsafe, in it. However, today I'm so grateful for the experiences I've had in the US as a Hijabi - mostly good ones, a stark difference from the tales I've heard which were full of hatred and intolerance.
During my nearly five years in the US, Islamophobia has risen and fallen and has been a matter of serious concern these last six months or so. I've traveled alone in the metro for over 3 years, early in the mornings and late in the evenings, in packed buses and empty train cars, while wearing my hijab. I'm grateful that I've never felt uncomfortable or unsafe because of my hijab. However, on the day the Paris attacks happened in November 2015, everyone around me was concerned and advised me to be extra cautious when I was outside home by myself. To quote what my uncle told me that day, "there is such a thing as being in the wrong place at the wrong time while wearing a hijab in this country." I went grocery shopping the next day and I felt like everyone was looking at me suspiciously; it may have just been paranoia, but it felt like all the eyes were on me. I came home that day and felt shaken, self-conscious and maybe even scared. I live in the DC metro area, minutes from the nation's capital, home to thousands of Muslims and many, many Hijabis. When I was at university, I could find a person donning the headscarf anywhere on campus, at any time. I'd never felt isolated as a Muslim girl who wore the hijab. Then what changed that day? An inhuman act by a group of individuals who claimed to follow my faith, but acted against its most basic principles, thousands of miles away? Or was it the fact that I felt insecure, self-conscious, a tinge of self-pity and isolation? I soon figured out that it was the latter. I also learned an important lesson that day - once you start feeling victimized, fear gets to you and then it'll seem as if everything and everyone is conspiring against you.
I walked out of home everyday following that incident with my head held high, and extremely confident about myself. I promised myself that if I do encounter unpleasant behavior from people, I wouldn't jump to conclusions and blame it all on my being a Muslim. I've heard people recount stories of how some stranger didn't smile at them or spoke to them in an annoyed tone. Such stories always concluded stating that it was an action that stemmed from Islamophobia. Honestly, that person could have had a bad day or maybe they did not smile often or maybe they simply disliked social interaction in general. Let's not attribute these little things to Islamophobia. Let's not start thinking that the world is conspiring against us. Once we get into that kind of mindset, life gets hard. One begins to look at the world with suspicious eyes, stops trusting fellow humans and loses all faith in humanity. And most importantly, it brings along self pity. There is nothing more efficient than self pity in destroying a person's confidence and determination. I understand that people are facing discrimination all over the world because of their ethnicity, religious beliefs, sexual orientation and many other reasons. But we need to be able to differentiate between an actual case of discrimination and other trivial matters. Being part of a minority can be unfortunate, especially in times when people are garnering popularity by spreading hatred. However, never lose faith in who you truly are, as clichéd as that may sound. Embrace that which makes you different, don't let go of your place in the world and believe that you belong. Whether or not you give someone else the power to make you doubt yourself (and the rest of the world) is your choice- make the right one. It is equally important to not feel victimized without reason as it is to not victimize. Once doubt settles in, it destroys any traces of self-assurance and hope. Please don't do that to yourselves.
I walked out of home everyday following that incident with my head held high, and extremely confident about myself. I promised myself that if I do encounter unpleasant behavior from people, I wouldn't jump to conclusions and blame it all on my being a Muslim. I've heard people recount stories of how some stranger didn't smile at them or spoke to them in an annoyed tone. Such stories always concluded stating that it was an action that stemmed from Islamophobia. Honestly, that person could have had a bad day or maybe they did not smile often or maybe they simply disliked social interaction in general. Let's not attribute these little things to Islamophobia. Let's not start thinking that the world is conspiring against us. Once we get into that kind of mindset, life gets hard. One begins to look at the world with suspicious eyes, stops trusting fellow humans and loses all faith in humanity. And most importantly, it brings along self pity. There is nothing more efficient than self pity in destroying a person's confidence and determination. I understand that people are facing discrimination all over the world because of their ethnicity, religious beliefs, sexual orientation and many other reasons. But we need to be able to differentiate between an actual case of discrimination and other trivial matters. Being part of a minority can be unfortunate, especially in times when people are garnering popularity by spreading hatred. However, never lose faith in who you truly are, as clichéd as that may sound. Embrace that which makes you different, don't let go of your place in the world and believe that you belong. Whether or not you give someone else the power to make you doubt yourself (and the rest of the world) is your choice- make the right one. It is equally important to not feel victimized without reason as it is to not victimize. Once doubt settles in, it destroys any traces of self-assurance and hope. Please don't do that to yourselves.
Motivating true story ever told.....
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