Coming from an Indian family guarantees that the topic of marriage was brought up at least twice a week since I turned 20, several days a week since I graduated college and multiple times everyday once I had spent over a year working after graduation. On having seen glimpses of the ups and downs of marriage in my immediate family, I'd often wonder if the ups in any marriage were worth going through the downs. And when the marriage topic started taking over all of the family's conversations, I turned towards the women in the house, married friends and obviously the internet to find out what people thought. I heard opinions that ranged everywhere from "marriage is magic" to "being married is like being imprisoned" and everything else in between. But somehow the women in my family convinced me that having someone to even fight with (not that you'd only fight or argue) is a blessing and that growing old and building a family with someone is a beautiful experience and missing out on it is something I don't deserve. When I did get convinced that marriage might not be all that bad, I was worried if I would be able to make the right decision about the person I'd marry. I then thought that in an arranged marriage, that responsibility is shared and that the core of my faith teaches that there is a reason behind everything God intends to happen to you. So with that belief, I set on.
Almost one year after my marriage, I now look back at the indecision, nervousness, excitement, anticipation and all the emotions that come before marriage, and also at the tumultuous journey that the first year of marriage usually is; and reflect on what it has been and how it has changed me. But most of all, I look at the companionship with my husband that has grown over the months and at how we have imbibed in ourselves, qualities of the other. At times, just reflecting upon the fact that somebody that was a stranger two years back is now the person I spend most of my day with, the most important person in my life, leaves me in awe of how quickly relationships can develop over a short span of time. It is amazing how someone who hasn't known you or your story for the first 20 or so years of your life can suddenly start reading your mind, your mood, understanding your likes, dislikes, sleep pattern and what not!?
In the months after marriage, I have started enjoying his playlist of a specific few Tamil songs from the late 90's and early 2000's; learnt to make tea to his liking; appreciate (if not share) his love for biryani; accepted that a guy could never have enough shirts in shades of blue and varieties of plaid; observed that a basketball player will forever be tempted to exhibit his basketball skills even if its scope only extends to throwing trash into the trash bin at home; been awed by his amazing culinary skills; accepted that eating Indian cuisine for most part of the week is still okay; been introduced to and made to like classic Hollywood movies; become accustomed to the idea of lazy weekends as opposed to my "let's go to the city!" weekend mood; and become familiar with dialogues from numerous Tamil movies and realized that it is possible to come up with a dialogue for every situation; and most of all have been at the receiving end of such care that I often feel like I am being spoiled! At the same time, he has also begun to like Italian and Mediterranean cuisines; learnt to put up with my taste of music; become accustomed to my extreme excitement at little things; become understanding of my need to have the house be sparkling clean at all times and forced himself to accompany me to the city on weekends, even though he absolutely loathes the crowded city streets.
There are the things you eventually get used to in a marriage. But there are also things that you constantly do for each other just because you know how much it means to your spouse. There maybe things that were explicitly conveyed to you, but then also there are things you learn about them over time. While my husband knows that it is the lovely little notes he leaves for me at home before heading to work, surprising me with desserts (often the Hershey's chocolate mousse cake, but really any dessert would do), finding movies for us to watch that he knows I'll like for sure and spoiling me with makeup. However, he has also discovered over time that nothing makes me quite as happy as him surprising me with a clean kitchen at the end of a tiring day or pancakes for breakfast on a lazy weekend morning or just sitting beside me, calming me down while I panic and rush at the last minute to finish assignments on time.
But what matters is not just how much we've both become accustomed to the other's likes and dislikes. It is also how we've both developed mutual interests and begun traditions of our own. I don't claim to be an expert in marriage. But, I speak out of experience when I say that for a marriage to work, mutual love is usually not enough. There needs to be open mindedness and willingness to change and adapt. Naturally, in a marriage there will be great, good, bad and awful days. If on the most awful of days, there is hope, then the marriage has succeeded. However, the effort needs to come from both sides and the secret to a happy marriage is in putting in the effort and finding someone that would put in the effort. I consider myself extremely fortunate that I have someone that not only brings love, but also effort into the marriage.
Almost one year after my marriage, I now look back at the indecision, nervousness, excitement, anticipation and all the emotions that come before marriage, and also at the tumultuous journey that the first year of marriage usually is; and reflect on what it has been and how it has changed me. But most of all, I look at the companionship with my husband that has grown over the months and at how we have imbibed in ourselves, qualities of the other. At times, just reflecting upon the fact that somebody that was a stranger two years back is now the person I spend most of my day with, the most important person in my life, leaves me in awe of how quickly relationships can develop over a short span of time. It is amazing how someone who hasn't known you or your story for the first 20 or so years of your life can suddenly start reading your mind, your mood, understanding your likes, dislikes, sleep pattern and what not!?
In the months after marriage, I have started enjoying his playlist of a specific few Tamil songs from the late 90's and early 2000's; learnt to make tea to his liking; appreciate (if not share) his love for biryani; accepted that a guy could never have enough shirts in shades of blue and varieties of plaid; observed that a basketball player will forever be tempted to exhibit his basketball skills even if its scope only extends to throwing trash into the trash bin at home; been awed by his amazing culinary skills; accepted that eating Indian cuisine for most part of the week is still okay; been introduced to and made to like classic Hollywood movies; become accustomed to the idea of lazy weekends as opposed to my "let's go to the city!" weekend mood; and become familiar with dialogues from numerous Tamil movies and realized that it is possible to come up with a dialogue for every situation; and most of all have been at the receiving end of such care that I often feel like I am being spoiled! At the same time, he has also begun to like Italian and Mediterranean cuisines; learnt to put up with my taste of music; become accustomed to my extreme excitement at little things; become understanding of my need to have the house be sparkling clean at all times and forced himself to accompany me to the city on weekends, even though he absolutely loathes the crowded city streets.
There are the things you eventually get used to in a marriage. But there are also things that you constantly do for each other just because you know how much it means to your spouse. There maybe things that were explicitly conveyed to you, but then also there are things you learn about them over time. While my husband knows that it is the lovely little notes he leaves for me at home before heading to work, surprising me with desserts (often the Hershey's chocolate mousse cake, but really any dessert would do), finding movies for us to watch that he knows I'll like for sure and spoiling me with makeup. However, he has also discovered over time that nothing makes me quite as happy as him surprising me with a clean kitchen at the end of a tiring day or pancakes for breakfast on a lazy weekend morning or just sitting beside me, calming me down while I panic and rush at the last minute to finish assignments on time.
But what matters is not just how much we've both become accustomed to the other's likes and dislikes. It is also how we've both developed mutual interests and begun traditions of our own. I don't claim to be an expert in marriage. But, I speak out of experience when I say that for a marriage to work, mutual love is usually not enough. There needs to be open mindedness and willingness to change and adapt. Naturally, in a marriage there will be great, good, bad and awful days. If on the most awful of days, there is hope, then the marriage has succeeded. However, the effort needs to come from both sides and the secret to a happy marriage is in putting in the effort and finding someone that would put in the effort. I consider myself extremely fortunate that I have someone that not only brings love, but also effort into the marriage.
Nice and sincere description of 2 years of married life! You are fortunate to have a husband who leaves a note for you even when he has to rush to his office in the morning. Wish you guys all the best in your beautiful life!
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