My Indian Wedding (Part I)

Getting married is a huge life change. After almost an entire month of being married, today is the first time I’ve felt even remotely like my pre-wedding self. My wedding has been life altering for me and life has altered in the most remarkable ways. But after having experienced my Indian wedding, I have come to define the word “chaos” in different ways. What happens in an Indian household getting ready for a wedding is its own kind of chaos. I was completely oblivious to this chaos until I landed in India, about 25 days before the big day. The moment I saw the house, I knew it was going to be a homecoming like no other.

I was home after 2.5 years and I was home as a bride. Apart from the bridal treatment which included a pre-breakfast of eggs and plantain, breakfast, pomegranate juice at 11 am, liberty to sleep whenever I wanted to, lunch, post lunch vegetable soup, tea, fruits and dinner; there was also a lot of shopping to look forward to. I received the most pampering for the first time since I was a baby and it was truly a vacation. That lasted for about a week. As we neared the wedding, the tension in the air was also reaching its peak. People were losing their tempers at the drop of a pin and my mom and aunt were looking for ways to make the days longer than 24 hours. I tried to retreat to a corner of the house and become invisible, but the flaring tempers spared no one. An Indian parent (or responsible adult in the family) at a child’s wedding, is usually at their multitasking best and also in the most stress they’ll ever be in. It’s fun to watch from a distance. Only from a distance. With inviting over a 1000 people, never ending shopping, dealing with caterers, decorators, arranging transportation and stay for the guests, and trying to and finally giving up on pacifying angry relatives complaining about a non-issue, you’ll get to see them deal with it all.

But my pre-wedding days were also some that I will cherish for the entirety of my life because of the time I got to spend with close family and friends. My mom and I had always wanted my wedding to be an occasion for the entire extended family to get together and spend a lot of time together; and it was exactly that! We had about 4-5 days before the wedding when the house was packed with people - laughing and eating and bonding. I met cousins that I hadn’t had the opportunity to spend time with in years! I had a huge group of girls (and my brothers) that made sure I looked good, ate well, laughed enough, kept my sanity, found some peace and quiet in the house to make phone calls to my fiancé (now husband), and walked into marriage without too much nervousness on this huge life change. I was, like every bride, extremely nervous, but at the same time, felt immensely blessed. There were too many blessings in those days to count. But there was a special blessing, an extremely special one.

My cousin Shahnaz (who can single handedly take 33% of the credit for me keeping my sanity amidst all the chaos) had come over with her little boys Yahya, 4 and five month old Dawud (also known as, my little Dodo). What her little boys did to add life and cheer and laughter into my pre wedding days, no one else could have! I was meeting little Dodo for the first time and this little boy was my companion as I shopped for my wedding. His love for bright colors and his charming smile made wedding shopping a win-win for us both. He was there through it all - shopping, pre wedding functions, wedding, post wedding, all of it! Holding him and playing with him and talking to him not only helped me disappear from the chaotic action, but also calmed me down in a way only a baby’s laughter could. While Yahya was getting everyone excited by running around and sharing his excitement at his aunt’s wedding, Dodo stayed with me and became my personal ray of sunshine! Having always been a person that loved to spend time with little children, I could not have wished for any better time to bond with my nephews. 

The other 67% of the credit for me keeping my sanity through it all, having every bit of fun and looking like the bride I’ve always wanted to look like, goes to a team of young people aged anywhere between 10-25. My maid of honor who could give Monica of F.R.I.E.N.D.S serious competition, my little sister who is also my own ray of sunshine and laughter, all my bridesmaids (including my friend of 15 years, Wardah who was with me through all of it, providing the kind of comfort and support only a close friend could) and my brothers that were put through an insane amount of work during those days.

The days preceding my wedding were their own kind of special - packed with abundant blessings! I have always believed that the best kind of blessings are the people in our lives and my pre wedding days were truly special because of the time I spent in the company of people I so loved. My family and friends not only made sure that I had the wedding of my dreams but they also made the process so memorable. They had all - parents, siblings, uncles, aunts, cousins, friends; taken off from work and school and their regular lives and took on this huge project of making sure my wedding was all that I had dreamt of. They made sure I had their company when I most wished for and needed it and that has been the truest blessing! 

The Day Before Thanksgiving

Two years ago, after a certain difficult and overloaded semester in college which managed to teach me more life lessons in 3 months than the 21 years that preceded, I told myself that I would not let myself be carried away by the overwhelming speed of the fast paced lives we live. I'd told myself that irrespective of the deadlines and meetings and paperwork and the hundreds of other things on my checklist, I would always find time to sit back, take a deep breath, not worry too much, deal with situations calmly and just appreciate life for what it is - a constellation of blessings! However, forgetfulness and the sheer amount of work it takes for someone to drastically change their outlook towards life, made sure that I never quite reached the goal I set for myself. Then came that highly eventful Thanksgiving break.

Thanksgiving happens to be one of my favorite weekends of the year. I like telling myself that I enjoy the holiday because it is associated with spending time with family and being grateful. But I know very well that it is because of black Friday sales and the fact that Thanksgiving break indicates that December is right around the corner, and December just means "a month of too many days off". So last year, on the day before Thanksgiving, I had set out to work early in the morning. I thought the holiday crowd would either have left the day before or that they would get on the road later that day. I'd assumed that the roads would be free that morning. I'd be at work by 8, finish off everything by 2 and leave before holiday travelers hit the road, thus outsmarting the traffic forces that made life hard for me everyday. Win-win! I was so proud of myself. Two hours later, I found myself stuck in the worst traffic jam I'd ever encountered in my last 2.5 years of driving, taking pictures using every Snapchat filter available that day, trying to smile despite the frustration that was building up. As I waited "patiently" for the traffic to disperse, the upcoming holidays still managing to keep my mood cheerful, I'd forgotten to check the car's fuel levels. I'd made calls to home and work, letting everyone know my status and then sang along to the songs playing on the radio.

The traffic cleared in a while and I was on my way, about 10 minutes away from office when I happened to notice that the fuel levels showed 0 miles remaining. That was my cue to panic and pray that I had enough fuel to reach office and I could refuel the car afterwards. But that was not meant to be and the car started shuddering weirdly in a couple of minutes. So I parked on the shoulder, along the highway, called my insurance company and asked them to send someone with a few gallons of fuel. They took about half an hour to set up the process and told me I'd have to wait 30 minutes before their guy arrives with the fuel. So I waited, on the side of a busy highway that I've never driven slowly on. The fuel guy took an entire hour. I waited there while all the cars sped by on the road. My only choice was to deal with the situation calmly. I was waiting inside a car on the side of a busy highway and panicking in that situation was not an option at all. Since there was nothing else that I could do, the silence and stillness of the situation made me realize the metaphorical implication of that situation.

The highway I parked along, happened to be my favorite stretch of my daily commute. The direction I drove along was against traffic and hence the drive had always been smooth and quick. That day, as I waited there for well over an hour, I saw people that were speeding by, on their way to work or to run an errand or to visit family for the holidays or for last minute shopping. As I watched all this happen, I realized that I was in such a hurry to get to work that morning but in spite of all that planning, God had His own plans and had meant for me to really just stop for a moment and breathe. While I waited, I found myself actually noticing the words to the songs that played on the radio, watching the tiny movements that the tree branches made in the soft breeze blowing that day, hearing the strong gush of wind as the cars sped by, observing the way the bright sunlight reflected off of the metallic panels in the building nearby; and all the other little things that get lost in the rush of the day. In spite of how inconvenient that morning had turned out to be, I found myself really enjoying that break - from work, chores and pretty much every distraction. At the end of the day when I got home and found the entire family worried about how my morning turned out, I looked back at the day and smiled at how relaxing that one hour was.

It was on that day that I realized how rewarding it is to take a break from our daily rush and worries and panic attacks. That morning managed to accomplish what I had been trying to, for over a year. It helped me calm down, learn to manage situations without panicking and just appreciate the little things we often fail to notice. A wise (and unlike me, calm) person once told me, "Life is 10% what happens and 90% how you deal with whatever happens". It was that morning that really changed the way I dealt with things that came my way.

Defining life by the fleeting glimpses of happiness

“But a chance tone of colour in a room or a morning sky, a particular perfume that you had once loved and that brings subtle memories with it, a line from a forgotten poem that you had come across again, a cadence from a piece of music that you had ceased to play− I tell you, Dorian, that it is on things like these that our lives depend.”   −The Picture Of Dorian Gray, Oscar Wilde

I went through a phase in my adolescent years when I thought that every good thing that happened in my life would be followed by an unpleasant experience, and vice versa. Back then, what I considered to be good experiences were a small set of happenings. Now that I think about it, that small set consisted entirely of materialistic things. It took me a while to identify and appreciate the little things that put a smile on my face and brought me small bouts of happiness. These little things happened every day, even on the most ordinary of days. They taught me that happiness is not that expensive. We look for happiness in big, rare and expensive things. However, happiness is closer and easier to reach than we think. I hope this post will inspire you to think about all those little things that never fail to put you in a good mood. I also hope that this will be something I can go back and read whenever I need a quick trip to my happy place, because it is these little things that our lives are made of.

My little bouts of happiness are brought by the smell of jasmine flowers; Arijit Singh's voice; the rare occasions when I wake up early on a weekend; walking while a soft breeze is blowing, neither too hot nor too cold; the smell of freshly baked goodies from the oven; and the softness of my grandma's hands. Then there's waking up to the pitter patter of raindrops on my window; driving while the sun is still rising; watching my plants bloom after the winter; the smell of coffee; a good book; snuggling inside the blanket at the end of a long day; catching up with a friend after a while; unexpectedly hearing a song I like; the sky painted with the colors of the sunset; and traffic-free commutes. Good hijab days; finding the perfect accessories to go with an outfit; experiencing the magic in AR Rahman's music from the 90's; binge watching a TV show (I have recently been accused of becoming a PLL addict; guilty as charged); listening to my brother narrating stories from his favorite shows and pretending that I understood everything; watching deer peacefully walking on my neighbor's backyard; and looking at my reflection in the mirror and being able to appreciate my beauty beyond the pigmented skin and other imperfections. Sound of the Athan (call to prayer); leaving late and still reaching on time; the sight, smell and taste of anything chocolate, especially brownies; playing with young children and having a baby hold on tightly to my pinkie finger; a rare warm day in the middle of winter; someone filling my car's fuel tank and saving me a trip to the gas station; experiencing the thrills of my deep childhood love awaken as I watch the opening credits of a Harry Potter movie; and postponed deadlines when you've been praying for one. Watching a feel good Indian movie; successfully breaking a wooden board in Taekwondo (on the first try!); a fully charged mobile device; the first ray of sunshine after many rainy days; a piece of complicated code that works after hours of coding/debugging; a perfectly fitting outfit; and oversized sweatshirts. Singing along to my favorite song at the top of my voice; German chocolate cake ice-cream; Nagercoilian plantain chips; ginger candy; chukku kaappi (ginger tea sweetened with palm jaggery); the smell and sounds of early morning at my home in India; and late night drives along the brightly lit streets of Jeddah with my parents and brother (I'm not sure if they enjoyed my constant chatter). Listening to EM Nagoor Hanifa's spiritual Tamil songs; my grandfather's voice calling me 'Kutty' (little one); walking in a stream over rounded pebbles; reading the notes on the inspiration wall in my bedroom; long talks with my sister whilst lying under a clear, starry night sky; the first sight of Nagercoil on the way home from the airport; opening the window blinds every morning and letting in the sunshine; re-reading Harry Potter and discovering something I didn't notice before; a certain mixed smell of spices and perfume that transport me to the open air souks of Jeddah; coming home to a warm hug from my littlest sister; walking on the streets of NYC on a cold winter night; repeatedly listening to a newly released soundtrack composed by AR Rahman until I'm in love with the songs; jhumki earrings; falling asleep with my head on my mom's shoulder while traveling; the eve of Eid at home in India; walking through quaint little towns that have an old world charm to them; pillow fights with my brother; and walking into bookstores. Early morning visits to the farmer's market; sitting on the banks of lakes or ponds and gazing into the distance (I don't quite understand my obsession with them); window shopping at the mall; watching cartoon shows that I loved, as a little kid; city lights at the night time, thanks to my 11 years in the ever so brightly lit Jeddah; the clear musical jingle of ice-cream trucks; late night talks with my mom, aunt, brother and sisters, punctuated occasionally by our grandma's snores and complaints that we're all being too loud; looking through old photographs; and listening to a song all over again from the beginning just because I missed my favorite line. But most of all, I love those little moments when the heart is content and all you can think of is to thank God for the little blessings that make up our lives.